Saturday, August 20, 2011
BACK...and better than ever!
It's been about 9 months since I've last blogged! Yes, 9 months...like how long a pregnancy lasts. I did not have a baby...however, God totally birthed a new me! I love how awesome He is and that He revealed that to me! Over the past 9 months, God has been shaping me into the woman I am today. Little things and big things were brought on. It began with a unique movement in my tummy (Spirit) that I didn't even realize. As the days went on, God would present to me new things...little and big- equally important, exciting and unexplained, laughter and tears--joy and unbearable sadness...all to make me what I've become! At the times of these ups and downs, I had no idea how I could be so beautiful one day and so broken the next. God did though and that's all that matters. He saw the outcome before the beginning. While building bridges from my heart to another...mountains had to be moved. I had to choose to rid myself of the things that were standing in my way, that were harming my "pregnancy". Depression had to go, words of discouragement needed elimination, doubt erased, distrust...goodbye---all these negative issues that happen to start with a "d" (from the devil) needed to be replaced with goodness, gentleness, gratefulness, generosity...things from God. During a pregnancy, if you are unhealthy and refuse to change, the outcome won't be as extravegant as it could be. As I ponder the last 9ish months, the Spirit is reminding me of what got me from where I was to where I am. To get rid of the depression experienced for quite some time, my husband and I decided to get on medication...not to rely on but to get my mind calmed down to a place where I could hear God or read His Word and meditate. God is my Healer, period. We asked Him to use these pills and get me back on track and learn how to handle things better than in the past and to get me off of them easily in less than a year. Praise God, in May, God took me off the pills! Each day I took the medication, I would confess, 'I do not rely on this pill to restore my joy, but I rely on God to make me whole again. I have the mind of Christ.' As I was trying to pray yesterday morning, the Holy Spirit interrupted me by taking me back to last year. It was around this exact time that I had a major breakthrough...in my relationship with God, my marriage, and my family (aka the most important things, but where problems happened). I had just started taking antidepressants in pill form late July of 2010. There was unexplained tension going on in our home for a while that wasn't being taken care of. Fights and strife drove in and set division at our feet...we picked it up and carried it with us. These painful happenings were like contractions...meaning something good was about to come about. I was ready for a new change! On Sunday, I went to church alone due to a blowout with my husband. We weren't going to go but as I prayed, I felt God telling me I need to go...with or without Dave. I went and received yet another breakthrough by allowing God to capture my heart and let me know of His love for me and that my identity is found in Him. What He says, goes! On my way home, I prayed for the revelation to stick. It did. Our family has had a God-inspired week...note we hadn't had a full good week since last year's breakthrough. This time the antidepressant was completely in God form! Nothing but the blood of Jesus can make me whole again. In the midst, of all of this...friendships were arising, books were read (A Woman After God's Own Heart...currently reading A Wife After God's Own Heart), God was involved...with an invitation from us, the Bible was put into practice, apology and thank you notes as well as phone calls were given to put out forgiveness and release what was holding me down, insecurity became security, love became real, happiness became joy (I'm learning to have joy in all things instead of just being happy when circumstances line up with me)...God gave birth to a new me as He continues to do as His plan for me continues. Born again, again? I've been saved for almost 5 years...however, new things arise...and I become new in a deeper way as I continue my walk, hand in hand and heart in heart, with God!